| western watershed romance |
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Bony brown trees shimmer and swagger in the
gloomy alabaster light cast off by a swollen sky, the cat annoys me
with his incessant commandeering of my lap, and I'm irritable. The
typical recoil, born in part from the dissonance between society and I.
A mental malaise washes over me like a junkie's first-hit rush, the
chemical imbalance smothers my dreams, my hopes, my love and despair,
the mental fabric of my mind ripped apart, the tatters flapping wildly
in the psychotic wind.
A sullen grey sky, stratus clouds
gushing baleful rain down on my car, on slate, cracked concrete, on my
soul. Though it'll cleanse the car of its dust, though it'll erase the
grease and oil that blot the chill of the ashen-colored cement, the
pounding rain won't have any chance of diluting or flushing the anguish
that suffocates my soul. I doubt anything will, save her falling into
my arms, laughing, rosy lips pursed and waiting, arms wrapped around my
head, tits and belly and thighs all pushed up close to my own body,
conducting heat, giving warmth, firing life.
Dull greys and browns, an austere
coldness, a cough, a headache, the skeleton trees of winter shaking
forlornly in the icy winter breeze, lit up in a caustic diamond light
that seethes and stinks of decay and death. It all seems too achingly
appropriate.
Shades of dull metal swirl in my head
amidst others of color, depth, meaning. An emptiness of space and time
commingle with sere fields encircled by verdant conifers, stoned in
frost, so numb and yet so real to the touch. Mountains, towering
mountains contrast with the uniformity of mind imposed by the constant
beaming of the same fucking four walls. Time rolls on impervious, of
course, toward a destination that currently is pointed toward obscurity
and wasted potential.
Uniformity of space, of time, of mind, of action, gives rise to vulnerability.
Patterns and influences repeat themselves in
different forms, shapes, structures that only come into focus when
sitting at the very fucking bottom of a deep black hole.
I'm pretty close to being there.